Saturday, August 22, 2009

And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell And the last thing I see is my heart Still beating

You know, I never do anything to help my self, I just make things oh so much more worse then they already are, and I know this can only make things worse. I can never fucking get ahead in my own life. And you know what the fucked up thing is, I should be use to my life shitting, on me because of my own mistakes. Mostly because I need to just stop talking, I can't shut my self up. And it's because of that a lot of people really don't like me, but everyone once in while someone comes along and does, yet I still tend to fuck shit up. I'm really surprised I have the friends I do. And it's these people that get me through life, with out them, I don't know where I would be. Then for some reason My stupid Brain tells me I Like someone, which sucks after you spend most of the last few months re building that suit of Armor, which take a lot of work, Then you have to trash it and start a new. So I let them into the world of David West, I let them get to know me more so then most people. I know It doesn't take much to get me to tell my life story, but for those who choose to listen, it really lets them in to my brian in to the inter workings. I feel I made the right choices here. I try not to get close to people because it always ends the same way even when you think it's going so well. Then a bomb gets dropped, in this case a kiss. We didn't want to get close, but I did. Then it's my fault I want to be more then just friends. And If I'm the Bad guy here then so be it, I had a great time, and wouldn't take anything back, even that kiss, thats brought all this trouble between us. To me no relationship is worth it if you're not willing to take chances. I know that some part of them is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means they feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds.

Sorry For the bitching.

See you next Time,

David Aaron West

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." Neil Gaiman


  1. I'm sorry buddy, I thought it might have been something like this based on your Facebook status, IM response, text response but especially the sound of your voice. I knew something was wrong when I heard your message on my phone.

    Things will work themselves out, I'm sure of it. This collection of sociopaths we run around with has tended to be absurdly lucky or priveleged with dumb luck the past few months.